As promised, Springroll - my thoughts follow.
Married Service Couples.
As promised earlier, I've gathered my thoughts, and will give you what (limited) wisdom I can based on personal experience.
Firstly â “ it's important that you understand the personal background involved.
I joined the Army (regular force) in 1977, at 17 years of age â “ I was infantry and was sent to Dundurn as, basically, a labourer supporting the Militia Concentration taking place at that place that summer â “ I imagine this was some â Å“summer taskingâ ? that my Battalion needed to fill.
The regular force Station Warrant Officer (also known as a â Å“Base Chiefâ ? or â Å“Base RSMâ ? in other places/times) in Dundurn was an Engineer MWO, who happened to have two daughters (the plot thickens!!).
During one of my regular JR's â Å“incidentsâ ?, I was placed in custody, after having struck the Camp Orderly Corporal. The â Å“Duty Field Officerâ ? that night was none other than the Station Warrant Officer. One of the duties of a Duty Field Officer is to check in on incarcerated folks to make sure they're OK (not committing suicide or some other nefarious activity). The MWO in question took a shine to me (for reasons that remain unknown â “ unfortunately he has now passed on and cannot be asked), and invited me to lunch at his PMQ later that week.
I attended his PMQ and had lunch, and met his daughters. The younger one was just 18 and had recently graduated high school.
Three months later, the younger daughter moved in with me â “ there's a lesson here for Fathers of daughters who meet dashing young soldiers â “ the lesson being NEVER take a â Å“shineâ ? to a dashing young soldier and invite him home!!
Anyway â “ in 1980 the Army and I had a mutually agreeable parting of the ways. I became a civilian, and married that MWO's younger daughter. We set up house in Calgary, and I became a house painter â “ life was good.
Flash forward a year â “ the western â Å“Boomâ ? had gone â Å“Bustâ ?, my wife was pregnant, and I couldn't get enough contracts to keep us in Mac and Cheese. I sashayed down to my nearest Reserve unit and boldly said â Å“I used to be in the Army â “ any chance of getting on full time here?â ? A voice from the back answered â Å“Well, yes there is â “ can you type?â ? Well, as it happened, yes I could (another long story not worth getting into â “ suffice to say that I gained an extremely satisfying career because of my lousy handwriting), so I joined a Reserve unit, and acquired a â Å“Class Bâ ? contract. A year or so later I took the plunge and re-joined the Reg Force as an Adm Clk.
I progressed quickly, and my wife gave life to three sons â “ all of whom continue to astound me and make me proud. By 1985 we were in Petawawa, I was in the Airborne (wanna test your marriage? â “ THERE's a challenge to it) and my wife began looking for work outside the home. I went off to Iran/Iraq for a year, and when I returned, my wife had progressed up the chain of her job to a supervisory position.
We (I) was posted to Edmonton, I received another promotion, and life was good (for me). She, on the other hand, was unemployed, somewhat disheartened, and a little envious of my career. One day, as a joke, I said something to the effect of â Å“if it bothers you so much, why don't you do what I'm doing?â ? Much to my surprise, within a couple of months she was at the Recruiting Centre. I came home one day and she told me that she was going to Cornwallis in February (1991, as I recall).
OK â “ so after a bunch of drivel we're at the start line of the discussion.
This became a huge bone of contention in our house. Having been around for a while, I was well aware of the â Å“shenanigansâ ? that go on when folks are away from home. I was worried about it.
Had I ever participated in said â Å“shenanigansâ ?? No. So what made me think that SHE would? I dunno â “ insecurity, I guess. You need to understand, I am ugly â “ SHE is beautiful!!
Off she went to Cornwallis â “ then to St Jean for Language Training, then to Borden for QL3. She was having the TIME OF HER LIFE!! And there I was, stuck at home, â Å“Sergeant Momâ ?, taking care of three kids and having a busy career at the same time. This was INTOLERABLE!!
Then a magic thing happened â “ she was posted back home. She talked the talk, she walked the walk. She had a DEEP understanding of what I (not to mention, her Dad) had been doing all these years, and she SUPPORTED me when I needed to be away from home â “ hangin' with the troops, on tasking, whatever. I was able to do the same thing when SHE needed to be away on tasking, course, etcetera.
Over the years we developed a deep respect for each others professionalism. One of the highlights of our life together was when we did a pairs Jungle Lane together â “ she was awesome in her reactions â “ I (being a better marksman!!!) killed what was left when she was done â “ it was heaven.
Being a senior rank, I often offered advice (USUALLY only when asked for) regarding bureaucratic BS she ran into. I was ALWAYS careful to not be the Sr NCO to her Jr NCO at home â “ that way lays trouble. Did I sometimes become clumsy and overstep my bounds? You betcha. Did she occasionally lump me in with the Sr NCOs at work she was having trouble with? You betcha. These battles sometimes went on for days â “ it wasn't pretty. Did we eventually work it out and realize that our professional relationship shouldn't interfere with our private one? You betcha. And when it sometimes did, did we forgive and forget? Absolutely.
Over the years, I deployed many times â “ she only once (which does remain a somewhat sticky wicket at times). During our deployments did I worry about â Å“thingsâ ? back home (or overseas)? Yes â “ absolutely. Were they â Å“realâ ?, continuing fears? Absolutely not. Should you be alarmed if you're having the same fears? Depends â “ are you a jerk when you deploy? If yes, then yes; if no, then no.
I don't know how many times I can say this â “ the military will NOT make a weak marriage stronger, it will NOT make a strong marriage weaker. It will, however, absolutely destroy a weak marriage; And in my opinion and experience it will make a strong marriage STRONGER.
I'd be more than willing to explore this subject more deeply â “ but without specific questions, I cannot provide specific replies.
Good luck to both of you â “ be strong, have faith in each other â “ you'll be just fine. And just think â “ when you're retired (like us) you'll have MANY, MANY interesting and unusual experiences to rehash with each other.
I try to suprise my husband when sending him parcels. He said there is nothing like getting mail. He just received on the other day and I said I hope you get the other one before youget home and he was like there is more coming ;D. I was like yeah there is. 
