My Fiancé has joined the Navy...

[laura18]

So I recently got engaged... My boyfriend has joined the CF. He is in St.Jean right now for his basic training...
I know nothing about the CF. It was a hudge shock to find out that he was joining the army, but I am adjusting to it all.. I find this new way of life very different and hard to understand, I often wonder why anyone would join the army.. sounds scary to me... So insight into this would be fabulous...
Also.. could someone tell me how dangerous it is for him to be in the navy in this day and age??

 

[IN HOC SIGNO]

So I recently got engaged... My boyfriend has joined the CF. He is in St.Jean right now for his basic training...
I know nothing about the CF. It was a hudge shock to find out that he was joining the army, but I am adjusting to it all.. I find this new way of life very different and hard to understand, I often wonder why anyone would join the army.. sounds scary to me... So insight into this would be fabulous...
Also.. could someone tell me how dangerous it is for him to be in the navy in this day and age??

Hi Laura...your boyfriend has made a wise and brave decision. He will need the support of those who love him in this endeavor...especially at first. I joined in 1977 and I'm still here. My girlfriend of 3 years (we lived together) left me while I was in Basic...sent me a Dear John letter...that was really sweet! Her Dad was an ex-Navy Commander so she thought she didn't want to live her life waiting for my ship to come home. In retrospect I'm glad she did but it hurt like hell at the time. The Navy is a tough life for relationships and you have to be very patient and understanding to be a Navy/Army/Airforce wife or husband.
A lot of people join (the majority actually) because they want to serve a cause greater than themselves. They want to contribute and help other people...sometimes in scary places on the other side of the world, sometimes at home.....Most of us are idealists with a strong sense of right and wrong.
Oh sure there are those who join cause they think it's a job...they don't' last...it's a way of life!
I've now been married to the same woman for 24 years and we have a wonderful relationship. She knows I have to go away to do my job...the job I love...and she supports me and has her own professional life (a nurse). We have two grown boys who loved growing up on military bases from Victoria to Labrador.

The Navy has it's dangers but they are not as great as the Army at the moment. The greatest challenge is the long periods of separation when he has to sail with his ship.
If you truly love this man and you are willing to wait for him when he is away,,,get a professional life of your own (so you can get a job wherever the CF sends you)...be independent and strong in your support of him...if you are not into it...let him know after Basic and then he can move on too.

(If he is a hard Navy trade eg Bosun, Hull Tech etc he will be in either Halifax or Victoria for most of his career...but his ship will sail for in excess of 150-200 days a year)

 

[Cloud Cover]

You mention the army twice and the Navy once. Which service is he in?

 

[laura18]

he's in the navy.. sorry.. this Military "lingo" is all new to me.. I was assuming "army" was the more general term for all things military...

 

[Michael OLeary]

he's in the navy.. sorry.. this Military "lingo" is all new to me.. I was assuming "army" was the more general term for all things military...

To the Press, and increasingly to the general public, it is .... but some of us get particular because it means we might interpret the remainder of a message quite differently.  Given the way anything in a uniform that salutes is called a "soldier", and described as being in the "army", in the media these days, it's an understandable error.

 

[Phrontis]

Do you know specifically which trade he has signed up in?

 

[Cloud Cover]

My fault. I should have read her profile. If he's a techie of some sort, he could have a very long TQ course prior to being posted to a ship. Maybe as long as a year.

Looks like much less than a year. There are a few guys in that trade on the board- they'll chime in pretty soon. Good luck!!

 

[laura18]

he's applied to be a naval combat information operator...

 

[mitch83]

Good Luck to your husband Im sure it will work out although theres a huge difference in the elements im sure you know this now just thought id add my 2 cents i wish i could help with navy life question but i cant sorry .....hope alls well

GO RECCE
DRAGOONS

 

[NavyShooter]

The promise I made to my wife of almost 5 years wasn't that I'd always be there.

I told her I'd always come back. 

As a sailor, I will not always be there.  In fact, I'm at sea right now. 

However, things have shifted hugely in the 13 years I've been in.  On my first ship, you'd get a monthly "family-gram".  28 words from your spouse. 

Now, there's e-mail and phones almost 24/7.  (Unless there's a forced outage, ie EMCON silent to prevent giving the ship's position away.)

It may be difficult at times, but my wife has lots of family in the area, and several good friends of many years who are also military spouses.  She's not a traditional "navy wife" either, she's a hotel manager, so she has that to keep her busy as well while I'm gone.

Keeping in touch is great, mail is awesome, and care-packages make a huge morale boost!

NS

 

[Collin.t]

Laura18 I'm transfering in the Navy as a NES op, actually tomorrow I am going to complete pretty much every that has to be done before I have to wait for the job offer.

I hope you hang in there with him and things work out for the best. The first time I joined I got dumped by my girlfriend a little bit before basic, which I think was the perfect time, since I had no time during basic to think about it all. Great way to change my mind.

 

[Melbatoast]

My fault. I should have read her profile. If he's a techie of some sort, he could have a very long TQ course prior to being posted to a ship. Maybe as long as a year.

Looks like much less than a year. There are a few guys in that trade on the board- they'll chime in pretty soon. Good luck!!

It could still be up to a year - the QL3 is about six months long, and he could wait six months or more on PAT depending how the Fleet School is cycling courses.  I did!  But that was some time ago and was probably a worst-case scenario.

I'm not going to lie and say it will be easy for a young couple, because it won't be.  But I also do know quite a few Navy people who have been happily married for many years.  He is going to spend the first 3 to 6 years of his career at sea - like someone said, 150 to 200 days a year, for up to six months at a time. 

I wouldn't say, though, that it's a particularly dangerous job these days.  I can't recall ever having feared for my own safety, even when drunk off my butt in seedy foreign ports.

 

[NavyGirl280]

Laura.....

Hi hun and welcome to our world ( ) ... my world. My husband is an NCIop (Naval Combat Information Operator) aboard HMCS Iroquois. We have only been married a few months but have been together for a lot longer. Some days will be better than others and somedays you will wonder how you ever made it this far. When this happens, please remember that is why you have friends and family (your immediate friends and family may not completely understand what your going through) and when thats the case, log online for a few moments and take the time to jot your feelings down on Army.ca ... Im sure someone will be here to answer any questions (good or bad) that you may have. The biggest thing for your fiance is to stand by him. Dont give up on him. Support him through all this, even when you dont understand what may be going on ... because believe me, he wont always understand it all either. Youre not as far from his side of the fence as you may think you are. I come online a lot.... sometimes to read posts and sometimes to post but Im always online. I have made some wonderful friends on here (waves to everyone she knows) and if you would like to talk more one on one, just private message me and I wouldnt mind giving you my email addy.... After all, isnt that what being part of the military life is about? To support, not only our troops, but one another? But seriously, if you would like to talk, you know where to find me.....PM me and I will be more than willing to chat. Take care and welcome....

S.Bradbury   

 

[Rhibwolf]

Laura, I married my wife while posted overseas to Germany, and as she was a German, the shock to her was double - army wife, and now married to a foreigner.  Within a year, we moved to Shilo Manitoba - shock three, welcome to the great white north.  Shock four came when I left the enlisted ranks to become an officer cadet at Military College, and shocks five-nine inclusive were the years of isolation she endured while I focused all my efforts on my studies at school.  Shock ten, my switch from Army to Navy, thereby negating all the things she thought she understood about the military (ranks, customs, traditions, etc) and forcing her to relearn. Note, even after 9 years as a "navy" wife, she doesn't fully understand what I talk about, and still has a hard time relating to the navy ranks. (not that she ever fully understood the army stuff either).  Since 1997, we have had three postings, and are likely to do another one soon. Our family has grown from two to five, with the last one being born while I was away. She conducted one move by herself completely, and another almost alone. 
Its been a very difficult fifteen years for us, but we still love each other. 
Your fiance has embarked on a strange course, and from what I can see, he has invited you along for the ride.  Take him up on that offer.  There can be a lot of fun in it for you as well as him.  It wont be easy, and sometimes it will be outright hard, but as the old recruiting ads said, there's no life like it!

Good luck,

 

[Springroll]

Welcome laura18!!

If you ever need an ear, feel free to private message me.
My husband is a Sonar Operator and is currently on HMCS St John's but is being posted ashore this July to one of their schools here.
I have been a Navy wife for 8 years and have a good set of shoulders, if you ever need them.

Good Luck to you and your fiancee!

 

[M Feetham]

Laura,
I too am an NCIOP, I did OP Apollo Roto "0" on the Iroquois. I know the people your husband works for and I think I might know him as well cause I have sailed on both 280's in Halifax and I think we sailed together. Anyway I have been married for 7 years. My oldest daughter was born in 1997, since then I have sailed or been away for various reasons. 97 to 2000 I was ashore. that was after six years in the forces. I joined Athabaskan in 2000 and for the next five years was gone a lot. 200 + days a year including seven months in the Indian Ocean after Sept 11th. I missed a full quarter of my youngest daughters life at that point. She was a year and a half old. Sometimes our job really sucks. We go away for long periods of time, we go on what we call in and out trips, where we are out for the week and back in for the weekend and then leave again on Monday.
But sometimes our job is good too. we get to help people who need it (refugees or disaster survivors) and we get to come home at the end of a trip, be it long or short and that is the most important part of our job. Coming home. I am not trying to scare you or freak you out I am just telling you the straight up truth. Don't forget it is hard on the people that leave too. Just try to remember that we do this for a reason. Keep your circle of freinds around you and if you have family lean on them whenever you feel the need. Above all be honest with yourself and with your husband. Take care of yourself and like navy girl said if you want to talk I can put you in touch with my wife or you can PM me.
Good luck to you.
Marc

 

[laura18]

Thank you so much to everybody who replied to my posting!!! It is so good to know that their are other people who have gone through the things I am going through...
My fiancé had the weekend off from his basic training and came to see me (which was wonderful!  ) We actually read all the messages together. We found it so helpful. Now we have an idea of what to expect in the future and we know where to go if we have any questions.. That means to much to us!
Thanx again  ;D

 

[1feral1]

Hey Laura,

By now you are beginning to realise its more than a job, its a lifestyle and a culture. You'll either love it or hate it. Just go with the flow, keep your 'comms' channels open and you'll be okay.

I have been living wit the same girl now for 6 years, and since she has come into the picture, I am on my third posting (Artillery, then Infantry, now Armoured), and the current one interstate at that. So that meant leaving her friends in Sydney, and moving up here to Queensland. Meeting new people, and starting yet fresh again.

Since October to now, I have only been home a matter of weeks, and I am again going away for more training, and then later, on a deployment for 6 months to a 'not so nice place'.

I had some of the lads and their wives over for a BBQ after Xmas, and since then a few other occasions, so she now gets to meet the people I work with, and there is also support thru the Unit once I am overseas too.

I have also had her to the office, showed her what I do, so she understands the importance of whats going on, not only in our SQN, but in the unit overall.

Anyways, good luck, and remember to keep the comms channels open.

Regards from an autumn morning in the tropics,

Wes

 

[Phrontis]

The support I'm reading in the responses in this thread remind me of one of the very best things about serving in the forces:  The honest concern for shipmates and their loved ones is outstanding.

I remember a few years ago, a young sailor put forward a request to release because he had come to feel that a life in the Navy and a happy marriage were mutually exclusive.  His Divisional PO and the Combat Chief and I, along with the more senior hands from his section, were able to describe example after example of good, strong marriages that seemed to thrive, despite (or because of?) the demands and stresses of a life in the CF.  I believe he's still in and happily married too.

Every marriage/relationship has problems and challenges, and the absences, strangeness, unique pressures, and dangers of the service can worsen those problems and challenges.  I would say it takes special people to make it work, but the CF is full of special people.  And there are a lot of resources out there (MFRC, Padres, support networks, etc) to help along the way.

To Laura I say welcome to a wonderful life choice which could provide excellent memories, friends, personal growth, and fascinating experiences.  Best of luck; fair winds and following seas.

 

[laura18]

Hey everybody!!
I'm just having a moment of uh... sadeness! Missing my boy alot tonight actually!
He'll be done with basic mid-April, then he's off to Esquimault BC. It can all be so overwhelming sometimes... I wish i were done school so that I could go with him.. but I still have one more year...
How do people deal with all of this??